I can get pretty emotional and I spiral into a huge pity-party fairly quickly. Of course, I have all the "right!" I justify my emotions and reactions. After all, it is always someone else's fault. I cling onto the hurts I've endured like I am a suffering martyr. If Chris didn't do "a,b,c..." than I would be sniffing the roses and singing praise songs, and joyfully loving and serving my family.
I am "so over" with my predictable reaction when I am hurt. I am sick of how I act and the choices I make when I am hurt. From today on, I am ready to start living a life full of joy and faith, instead of one based on the "magnificent-controlling-world-of-Susie!"
I am not trying to bash myself. Actually, I need a swift kick in my arrogant, selfish ass. But, mainly, I love myself and I realize that I alone can make the choice to be happy or not.
I shouldn't wait around hoping my circumstances, people, or things will make me happy. I just need to do it! I have so much to be grateful for and so many things that which brings me joy.
If I want peace and love with my husband, I will forgive him, show him love, respect, and humility. I will let God handle the rest (you know, my husband's sin...never was my job!).
I will stop being such a lazy butt, full of pity, and get back to raising these kiddos, managing my home, and cooking this baby in my belly!
This was good....getting that out...I feel inspired and free...
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