11 week baby

Is this laziness ever going to stop?

Deep in my bones, all I want to do is stay in bed and watch TV all day. I am always tired and have zero energy to do anything. I know that that desire is the pregnancy taking over, but I can't help feeling frustrated and depressed by this feeling of laziness. It is not like me to have one bone of laziness, so I feel lost and confused by this sudden bought of laziness. How can I keep going like this? I have six children and all the responsibilities of running a home. My children help out with their chores, but it isn't enough to keep my the house from slowly turning into a pig-sty. I honestly have no clue how to navigate this challenge. When I do get up and moving and try to do housework, I become nauseous and fiercely exhausted. It takes me all day to wash several loads of laundry, fold, and put away. Normally, that would take me an hour to do it all. If I sweep the floor, pick up toys off the floor, wipe the dining room table, or wipe down the bathroom surfaces, I am slower than molasses. Afterwards I have to sit on the couch, put my feet up and take a nap. The only way I feel OK is being still and doing nothing. I keep telling myself that my body is working overtime making this baby, but my brain is saying: MOVE! But, I really, truly can't. Many times, I just lay on the couch and think about all that I need to get done. It's depressing to have no energy and just to stay put. Maybe I should hire a maid? I am grateful for a husband that is oblivious to the mess. He is a blessing and so graceful to me.

The areas that I know aren't "causing" this tiredness and feeling of laziness:

I am not anemic nor do I have blood sugar issues. Blood work is perfect.
I get enough sleep at night and I take naps.
I eat plenty of healthy foods.
I take vitamins.
I drink tons of water.

So what gives?

10 week baby

The shopping trip for maternity clothes

I got out my maternity storage bin weeks ago, since I was showing so early. I started out 35lbs heavier than my last pregnancy, so most of the clothes were too tight in the booty region. Plus, I saved only a couple of my favorites from a couple of past couple pregnancies ago (they were not that great to begin with!). So, my pickings were slim and not flattering. After wearing my only pair of comfy jean shorts (with a frayed waist preggy-strechy-band) seven days in a row, I decided to go shopping. I am a thrift store junky, but the thrift stores in this town are slim pickings for maternity so I thought maybe I needed to go shopping in a "real" store.

My husband needed to do some of his own clothes shopping, so we made a "date" out of the excursion. First we went to Target. Boy what a disappointment! The selection was small and mostly everything was made with thin polyester/nylon fabric that would cling to every bump and roll of my body! I actually believe the mirrors in the dressing room are pure evil.  Because, as soon as I entered the dressing room, I saw a hideous woman glaring back at me. Right then and there, I had a silent tantrum. Everything about me is ugly right now and the Target mirrors was proof that I couldn't hide from the truth. My long, cury hair is a frizzy, straw, poofy mess and the only thing I can do is sport a bun or pull it back into a pony-tail. My face is doted with pimples, and wearing make-up is uncomfortable because my skin is so sensitive. I am normally a thin, athletic build, but right now I am officially "overweight" and it shows in my belly, thighs, and butt. Staring at my image, I was not impressed. Plus, my white shirt, which was a bit too tight, displayed a food stain I got during lunch, really put a nice touch on my whole image. Despite my pity party in the dressing room, I did manage to find a skirt I liked:  so I bought two (one blue and one black). I cringed when I spent over forty dollars for TWO pieces of clothing, though!

My wonderful husband was such a great moral-support. I don't know how he puts up with my sour, pitiful, self-bashing moods? I know he sees my flaws, but he chooses to "see" the real me and tells me how beautiful I really am. All day he kept lovingly rebuking me (and teasing me, too). I snarled at him and tried to point out how wrong he was, but secretly every word he said was like balm to my soul.

We went shopping in the mall, next. He bought us both Clinique face cleaning products. My normal face cleansing routine is baby soap and witch hazel (if I remember to find the time to wash my face or feel a strong need to pamper myself). So, buying a department-store face-soap was waaay out of my league and budget. But, my husband wanted me to be treated and feel as beautiful as I am. I love this man! Normally, I can't stand my husband's spending habits, but this was a time for me to be gracious and let him spend money on me. I felt loved.

Next, we stopped by "Motherhood Maternity." I have collected a lot of their clothes from thrift stores or hand-me-downs, but I never bought more than a nursing bra from their store, and it was probably on sale and probably the least expensive one, too. I'm embarrassed to admit that I was actually wearing that bra, from probably three pregnancies ago. It has certainly seen better days! I only found one display of 100% cotton, short-sleeve shirts, and the price tag was $30! I tried on a swimsuit cover-up and was not impressed (also a heafty $30 bucks!).

My husband bought the clothes he needed at JC Penny, and then we headed to Goodwill. God knew all along how desperate and pathetic I was. He provided me with a bounty of clothes as a testimony of his care and provision of providing for my needs! The maternity section was bursting with clothes and I managed to find a good selection and enough clothes for this summer. Plus, I didn't break the bank.

Nine Week Baby

The news is out and the rudeness has begun.

Well, I suppose it was going to happen sooner than later. Chris told the Facebook world that I am pregnant. Most comments were congratulatory and sweet. A couple people posted the "har-har" jokes of "you-know-how-that-happens-right?" Those people suck. One friend actually came to our defense and said that we make the most beautiful babies and our children are remarkable and the world is a better place because we are raising them so well! (I loved her for saying that!)

Before Chris told the world, I had already told a couple people. My mom was the first. I told her the day I had a positive pregnancy test. One friend found out when I was four weeks pregnant after my 3 year old blurted it out. (I forbade her from telling people.) A lady at church last week asked me straight out if I was pregnant. Since I was at church I felt weird about lying, so I told her. Another friend at church got up in my face and demanded to know why I have been missing church lately. I didn't have the energy to blow her off, so I told her, I was having morning sickness. She immediately told her husband who was standing near her.

So, this morning at church, a lot of people congratulated me. One lady oohed-and-awed over my belly bump. She was sweet, but I was embarrassed. Then, it happened. One lady said to me, "You guys waited a long time to tell people this time." Now, if I was already in the middle of my second trimester, than yes, I would agree with her. But, I was eight weeks pregnant when my husband revealed my pregnancy. But, this rude lady saw my HUGE belly and just assumed I was further along. "No," I said, "I am only nine weeks." Stupid, ignorant, inconsiderate people, who do nothing but stick their nose in my private business are the worst!! One lady asked me about due date. (sigh) People only ask about due dates only when you look big, not when you are in your first trimester. I hate rude people.

My first prenatal!

I decided to go with a different OB for this birth. I LOVED my last OB I had with Michael, but the hospital she is affiliated with is not supportive of VBAC's. This policy was in place when I was expecting Michael, but my OB and I both made a silent agreement to go ahead and ignore the hospital policy and come into L&D when I was in active labor and have my baby vaginally. Basically, a hospital cannot deny a pregnant women medical care if she is considered "nontransferable." A women in labor is "nontransferable" and cannot be sent away, so the hospital would have no choice but to  "allow" me to deliver there. I was grateful for a supportive doctor, willing to buck the system to make sure I got the birth I wanted. I came into the hospital exactly as planned, completely dilated and ready to push. I felt that was too close for call, however! Even though the birth was uneventful and went as planned, I can't guarantee that this birth will have the same outcome. Nor can I guarantee that she would be willing or able to work with me like this again. In addition, I was never comfortable giving birth in that hospital. After all, the policy for not allowing VBAC's was based on the inadequate emergency staffing (OR staff and 24/hr anesthesiologist). If I were to need an emergency c/s, how could this hospital guarantee the best services if they aren't prepared for it? Frankly, the hospital should provide a mandatory 24 hr OR & Anesthesiologist staff for all pregnant women, regardless of their risk factor. I am choosing a hospital that supports VBAC's to reduce my concerns and experience more comfort and ease around the time of the birth. I feel more comfortable with a hospital that I am welcome any time, whether in active labor, or not. One of the stipulations my last OB made with me was that I had to go into labor before my due date. I felt pressured into inducing labor, instead of letting my body go naturally.  I made a choice to have my membranes stripped and drink castor oil in order to induce labor. Having my membranes stripped is very invasive and painful. I will never do that again! The castor oil works very strongly and I went from no contractions to full blown labor in no time. The diarrhea and constant cramping associated with the castor oil is unrelenting and gives me horrendous hemorrhoids. My previous labors with castor oil have always led to precipitous labor with uncontrolled pushing and horrible 1st and 2nd degree tears. This time, I plan on doing everything on my terms and not be forced to do anything that isn't medically unnecessary. So, I am driving the 40 minutes to each of my prenatals and to the hospital when I go into labor. The hospital is also much nicer and provides a quality of care the other hospital cannot match.

On Tuesday, I completed nearly of a four-part prenatal appointment. The first part consisted of a nice chat with the head nurse, Brenda, where we went over my pregnancy and health history. I was pretty impressed that I could remember all of my children's birth weights. It was a lot of fun to chat with her. She even shared some of her birth stories with me. Her children are all grown and it has been several decades since she last gave birth, but no matter how many years have gone by, giving birth is a lasting memory.

The second part of my appointment was my ultrasound. I was secretly hoping for twins, but we only saw one little baby and his/her large yolk sac/ blob looking thing. The heartbeat was 166 bpm: healthy & strong! The baby was sitting on his/her head at first. Then, the ultrasound tech said that the baby flipped onto his/her bottom when she returned  to take another peak after she finished the scan of my uterus and ovaries. I was surprised that the baby was measuring younger than I was calculating. I am certain when Chris and I had sex and it seems highly improbable for his sperm to survive for over a week. The baby was 7 weeks 6 days, instead of 8 weeks 4 days. The due date was changed from January 10th to January 15th. The ultrasound picture was odd, to me. There is a baby and a blob next to it. The tech said it was the yolk sac, but it doesn't have a spherical shape. Weird. The gestational sac look huge, to me, as well. I don't remember any of my other ultrasound pics to looking so odd. I just have a strange feeling that something was amiss in that ultrasound. I will be going back for my NT scan in four weeks, so hopefully I will see more of baby and put my uneasiness to rest.

My third part of the prenatal appointment was lab work.

I was supposed to complete the final portion of my prenatal; the physical and pap, but the nurse had to cancel due to a family emergency.

So, today, I completed my final part of the prenatal and met a wonderful nurse, Jane. My next prenatal appointment is scheduled for July 3rd with my OB.

Eight week baby (ultrasound)

My baby at eight weeks:

A picture of a fetus inside the womb: