Friend of Sinners

The Lord, our Savior, is called "friend of sinners." I believe him to be my Lord and Savior, unfortunately, I  have snubbed him as a friend. I am ashamed that I have adopted an unhealthy formula in making and keeping friends.Though I loathe small talk, I will endure hours of it, if that means I can earn you as a friend. I will even gossip about whomever you like, if that would keep you interested in me. I am the best at venting, cajoling, envying, and revealing all flavors of pain and sin. Of course, I  include my reliable and dramatic "feelings" into any and every topic, so as not to seem dull or flat in my character. I will actively listen. I will even promise to pray for you. The truth is, it is all smoke and mirrors. I do not want a real friendship with anybody. What I want, you can not give me, and that is why I am forever seeking. No wonder I feel so alone. My needs are endless, my behavior is abhorring and my standards are weak. Is that not the reason why I needed a Savior in the first place? He came to fill those deep voids in our lives and to show us love unconditionally? If Jesus is all we need, our daily bread, why am I so hungry for more? Am I just a spiritual infant after all, suckling on the insatiable milk of pride and lust?  Am I gorging on the crumbs off the table of worldly friendships because I haven't realized I was invited to a banquet with My Savior? Recently, I experienced the consequences of substituting a earthly friend, in place of a relationship with Christ. It has proven to be a regrettable disappointment in my life. I asked more than can be given and I gave more of myself than I should have. No one, no matter how well-intended or loving, can ever replace the wisdom and guidance we receive from the Lord. A real friend, like Christ, will be a mirror of Our Father's will and unconditional love. The temptation to be in a position greater than the influence of Jesus is so irresistible that even the holiest of saints can fall prey to it. The scriptures that are full of warnings and instructions on how to walk humbly, act shrewdly, and promote peace. He promises us that he will provide all we need. How easily I missed these instructions!